couldkill4love

 we used to hold hands and i would call you baby. now, when you come into the store where i work you only glare at me in a way that makes me even more uncomfortable than i thought i could ever be in my dirty black apron. i just grin and wave, and try to convince myself that it doesn't matter. but it does. i still love you. -- it's odd counting the months that we've been apart, and you've been with him, and you've hated me. it's odd to remember the one evening after school when i held your hand and you told me, "this feels right." but all i could think about was how wrong it was. all i know now is that i feel like a jerk because i know

you can put that sandwich in my hand, but you can't make me eat it. you can drag me by the ear to our destination, but you can't make me enjoy it. i wish everyone i hated was as ugly as you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx not everybody you meet is ugly. they aren't all beautiful, either. "because this world isn't fair!" and neither are any of the other worlds. but i can find peace in your sunflower-eyes. hold me back from what i want and kick me in the ass so that i land right before what i dont. "this is not one of your little books where everything ends up perfect and everyone ends up happy with the bad guys put away for forever! from what

 Contemporarily.   No, it isn't a word. but to me it has meaning, like some things in life never will. also it is long, and lasts on the tip of my tongue, just like some things in my life never will. Love was supposed to be golden and amazing and worth it. You made everything so dark brown and dreadful and empty for me.  In this real life, in this real heart, i know that i will never love anyone the way that i loved you. You were so fake and undeserving, yet i can't feel anything for anyone other than you. And here i am, using lines off my favorite songs. i never thought anything would amount to this, this feeling that maybe all hope is

I keep forgetting everything we were about. At first, it was impossible. An entire year of your life can't just be forgotten in a moment; but over time it's become easier to forget than to remember. It's been really easy to see you lately, and to smile and say something nice. I find it nice how you've stopped berating me with nasty comments and you can stand for me to exist again. Then came along this... "tumor." I can't bring myself to believe it. I read and reread the text in my inbox, and it just doesn't seem real. This girl was my bestfriend, and then one of the best and worst things i've ever loved. It has taken me three months to smi

i remember seeing something absolutely hideous shining through your eyes ; i know now that it was only your soul - pleading to burst through and soak the whole world in ugly. -- 0313  where i see you i see you in second block, advanced physical science. Richards is the teacher. in the row nearest the windows. you're boyfriend sits five seats back, and you're positioned in the desk in front of him. everyone is busy with their chapter twelve worksheets, so no one takes notice as Richards strides across the room to open the blinds. you wince at the sunlight - newly arrived from behind a group of friendly, puffy clouds. you shoot a di

the sky can forgive me for not looking up today. the little boy with sad eyes and no ice cream cone can forgive me. that dog at the kennel that i never adopted can forgive me. ms. walton can forgive me for mispelling 'paraphrase'. my feet can forgive me after a rough day. that turtle i never bought and never named can forgive me. ivey can forgive me for never calling her last weekend. mom can forgive me for being moody and stubborn. the bum at the park with an empty cup can forgive me. the gentlemen at arby's whom i bumped into can forgive me. god can forgive me for cursing him and hating him and blaming him and ignoring him for yea

i remember that, at first, i was scared. i remember your soft lips, caressing and making my skin tingle all over and my body shiver. i know your gnashing teeth, nipping and letting the blood seep slowly from the tiny wounds. i remember your fingertips, wandering and feeding me the joys of sorrow. i know your nails, clawing and clinging and making it sting for days. i remember your voice, smooth and soothing and bringing me closer. i know your words, sharp and cold like tiny, angry razor blades. i remember who you were, pretty and fragile like an early spring flower. i know who you are now, dark and deceitful and so full of hate; i re

There are millions of him; He says it's not him / that really, all in all, he is a good man and always wants to be better; that it is his ancient, wretched  soul that writhes and scratches from within / and that sometimes it wears a spot thin, and causes tears and flaws in himself. this leaves me awkwardly confused; ready to admit that i am much the opposite. - And today and tomorrow and every day afterwards, i have found that i will be better yet. my spirit and soul and every thing about me thrives for my best ; and my drive screams that my best must be better yet. my heart is big and soft and yet strong - so strong that it

So i closed my eyes - and it all seeped in, sort of one-by-one, like raindrops landing randomly on your skin, sending a chill up - and then back down - your spine. It all hit me rather slowly, as i listened to the tears streaming down the faces of one hundred and plus people; as i listened to their attempts to suck all the sad and grief and tears back into their faces - their attempts all in vein. this was getting to me. i knew the face of this boy whom they spoke of, i knew his voice. i knew his laugh, his humor, the wrinkles that were already forming around his eyes from laughing so often. this boy, sixteen, who was loved

i remember you still. you showed up so innocently in my dreams. you looked just like a acquaintance of mine... and you wouldn't say a thing. when i first met you i told you my name, and your eyes met mine as if to say, "hello". i told you i would call you Hazy, because you weren't quite here. you smirked, and my heart exploded. people don't look at you the same, i guess. they see the beauty and how you hold yourslef right, but they don't understand why you say nothing. there have been a few drops of blood shed in your name, but all that's stopped now. they got the point; i wasn't going to put up with it. sometimes when you w